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Note about the title - The actual cruise was devine. The 'hell' referred to in the title is actually a location in the Cayman Islands.
First a note about the ship:
As this was our first cruise, Marina and I were nervous. So what does Woody do when he is anxious? He plans. We watched several YouTube videos about cruising. They were very helpful, especially LifeWellCruised. We were booked on the Princess Cruise Line, and the YouTubes we watched covered other cruise lines like Carnival, but the advice still applied.
On 'our' cruise line, the ship uses a medallion. It is similar in size and shape to an Apple iTag. It acts as your key (to your room) and a locator beacon. You can wear it in a wristband or in a lanyard (they provide the lanyard free of charge). You can order the wristband for a slight fee. Marina used the wristband, I used a lanyard. As the device IS waterproof, do NOT take it off at any point during the cruise - even when on an excursion (more on this later.) By wearing it on a lanyard (I have several of my own, so I used one of those), I could tuck it under my shirt. (It still worked).
While you can (and should) order your medallion in advance, mine did not arrive, but boarding was still very rapid. Your medallion is your passport for cruise related activities ONLY during the cruise, both onboard and while on shore. It does NOT act as a regular passport for entering or leaving the US or other countries!
Another must have is the app specific to the cruise line. It works on the phone (or iPad if that is your preference). With it, I can order (as I did) my ginger beer. If I want to find my cabin or a specific restaurant, or even my travelling companion, not only will it show me where it is on the ship, It will plot a route to get me TO me desired destination. . . now where is my cabin? And how do I get back?
In preparation for our trip, Kevin and Marina (mostly Kevin with Marina claiming "We need to watch YoTube videos", then leaving the room during the video) watched several videos about crusing. Some recurring (and useful themes:)
YouTube mentioned booking your excursions in advance. I
second this. Even though we were performing our
pre-onboarding activities over a month in advance, many excursions were already
booked and unavailable. The same with some of the restaurants and specialty
dining. The excursions still available
were extraordinary, but we did miss out on some of the specialty restaurants
(More on dining later).
Several videos mentioned 'dock runners'. These are individuals who went ashore then cut returning to the ship too close.
I cannot praise the excursions and the tour guides enough!
When you get on the ship (Embarkation Day), you receive an envelope of tickets
(one for each member of the group and a ticket for each excursion.)
On the ticket is a
time and location of where to be to go ashore for your excursion. When you
check in as others on the ship might have similar but different excursions
(i.e. My excursion is to see the Mayan Ruins and the Stingrays, but someone
else's is swim with dolphins and sting rays, we will be given different
colored/numbered tags. Mine might be Green 9 his might be Beige 7). The tags
are sticky like a post it notes. Keep it visible).
They will then announce the embarkation of different groups. Beige 7 proceed
to deck 4 aft (In reality this means follow the crew
member who will lead you to deck 4 aft). Stay with your color and numbered tag
shipmates. You will disembark (either on a ferry or to the dock). Each onshore
excursion typically had a tour guide and a bus with driver to get us to our
destination.
When you arrive on shore,
you will be met by a land based tour guide. This is your mother hen for the
day. She will shepherd you onto a bus to get you to your excursion (or each
destination if there is more than one stop.
She will admonish you to remember which bus is yours (i.e. bus number 98
which is prominently displayed on the front of the bus!) Your guide will tell
you about the country you are visiting and the destination. At your destination
your guide will tell you how long you have at this destination and tell you
where to meet at the designated time either here at the bus or the guide will
walk you TO the rendezvous point and tell you to meet
here . The guide and bus will NOT leave till all members of the group are
present, and like a mother hen will search for any missing chicks. (Remember the listing above recommending bringing cash for tipping? These folks deserve it!)
You WILL be back at your ship prior to the ship departing. You will also have
opportunities for shopping.
The amenities and activities were amazing. Many cruisers will talk about all the eating opportunities and how much they ate. Who has time for food? We were doing WAY too many other activities - we actually had to plan to eat.
Our itinerary
Our cruise itinerary consisted of: